I had a dream last night about an imminent war, and everyone was gonna die, yada yada. But what was really upsetting was looking out the window and seeing a long dead turtle. It's head was separated from it's shell, and it was dusty looking. Hollow and empty. My dream self was upsetted by this, but so was my waking self. And it's not just because I like turtles.
As far as I know, turtles symbolize spirit, in a nutshell, anyway. I was warned in the not-too-distant pass not to neglect the inner turtle. And now I'm dreaming she's dead? Good god. And then I review my life from the last few months, and it makes bloody sense. I've been acting like a cynical old lady who doesn't believe any damned thing. There are signs that, two years ago, would make my blood run cold or make me leap for joy, and now when I'm confronted with them, I shrug it off. It means nothing. How could signs and symbols exist? Reality exists! The rest is hogwash! ..When the hell did this happen to me?!
I guess something inside me said, "Hey, you don't need to connect with your spiritual self unless you're in real distress. Otherwise, if you're feeling fine, who the hell cares?" Unbelief is a strange place for me to be. I've always believed in everything.
The turtle was murdered. I murdered the turtle! Because turtles don't die of their own accord, that's the point. They don't age, they're practically immortal! But there are many things that can kill the turtle. No food, bad weather, predators....And from the way her corpse looked, she had been dead at least a month.
So how the hell do you revitalize a turtle? Do you just reverse your actions and hope for the best? I don't know. I don't believe in restoring the dead anymore.
Thursday, March 13, 2008
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2 comments:
Well if buffy taught us anything, we need the people who were by the turtle near it's death, and the bones of the turtle :P.
but on a real note, I don't think you killed/lost your spirituality. You've been like in the busy months, October to now were some intense months, like holidays, festivals, work. Yada Yada , It only makes sense if you involve your self so much in these physcial past times, you bound to lose touch with your spirit. But again , you can't kill spirit! you can only break for a while, at least untill the next spirit week or pep rally. :P man..i'm full of bad jokes these days. no i've always been full of bad jokes.
But key thoughts here, you had spirituality, and u lost touch, just spend some time with your self, away from friends, people work. COMPY! and indulge with your self. ...man that sounded perverted.... or at least i thought it did.
I agree with what Dylan said, Buffy taught us well. :P But seriously, I agree, take some time for yourself.
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