The Last Smoke Of My Life
Autumn equinox, september 22, 11:23pm, 2006
The first puff.
the whole day, I kept thinking about what the hell I could possibly say to honor the occasion. Cigarettes are like an asshole boyfriend that you've been with - feels so good, but is so, so bad for you.
I also thought about not writing at all - writing and smoking is multitasking, and I won't be able to appreciate this to it's fullest.
This hardly feels real - it really is like breaking up with someone, when that someone is so completely integrated into your life and you can't imagine life without them.
This is the last time. The moment is rudely interrupted by my mom in the yard, telling the dog to get busy. How typical, a pivotal moment is interrupted.
Birds talk cranky and lonely. I really feel it. I really do.
I can't stop thnkinhg, what if I can't do it, what if I can't let it go. But I must strip myself of these detriments. I must get on with building myself a life that I feel good living, I must discard every hinderance and this is difficult when the hinderance is such a part of you.
The days in the backyard when the world was beautiful. Am I crazy to be putting this behind me? Is this really what I need? How could I let go of the best view I've ever known? How am I to do this?
I will, I will, I will.
And taste the last remnants of the old way, to shed a tear and let it go, let it burn out, let it go. Let it go.
This is the last time..............
Sunday, September 24, 2006
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12 comments:
Amazing; well written; beautiful; made me feel cool inside, lol iunno why, probably cuz you're quitting a bad thing, which is good. Good luck Ally G! Don't forget, if you are still clean when i next see you, Super Wonder Glomp!
I'll super wonder glomp u! right in the eye! HAW! stole a chadders joke there hahah!. No quitting is good i'll be retrying soon, i fell into temptation when everyone one was smokeing engineing around me and i was like going crazy!!. I think after my birthday would be fitting, that way i can say, I smoked for a full year"to the dot" and quite. and i can make it sound so easy and blak! none the less, it is hard, because u are acustome to adding the smokeing to something, like writing in ur case, mine as coffee at flamingo. But a good alternative i've found is double mind gum. you can chew crazy and it keeps ur mind off it. and on the plus ur mouth smells like mint, instead of ashtray! a super +++. Well i must go down stairs and watch Naruto, am almost done the 1-192 episodes i got, am like on 170 or something close.
Good luck and try hard kicking and screaming,\
I'll give you thieving my jokes, RIGHT IN THE EYE! lol
fuck man good luck to ya, luckily you have your support system. ha! I bet he supports other things too ;p ha ha ha
Peace
Ally, we must try a group quitting of the smokeing. It would truly benfit the treasury i think?
sorry about my rudeness, I was kinda drunk. Best of luck though.
Peace
rudeness to who? am not sure?
Was i spos to take offense or ally or chad?
Ethier way i don't care, but please help out roko.
It was in reference to my slightly dirty joke towards allysia. No one was meant to take offence, but I find that I offend her much more than I'd ever want to.
mmmmm... ok
honestly, i really wasn't offended because it didn't make much sense. supports other things? seriously, what are you calling him, a bra or something?
I know it doesn't make sense, I was drunk like I said, I just wanted to make sure you didn't take offence.
offence is taken when one is insulted, and if u insulted miss allysia, then ur a prick.
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